Life’s been taking some pretty sharp twists and turns the past few days. Health wise this has to be worst year on record for our family. I started the year off with a bang with a nasty case of the flu. I have had persistent stomach aches since then all of which ended with an unexpected trip to the hospital followed by an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I would have been happy if after all this the doctors had found something wrong with me. They sent me home saying I have an extremely twisty, scarred colon (they don’t know why and no, it cannot be fixed) and that should sort of explain my debilitating aches and pains.
DD meanwhile has picked up every allergy known in the continental United States. We took her to an allergy specialist to get her checked out for allergies and for a course of treatment. They poked her 20 times thereby introducing major allergens into her skin and she tested positive for every one of them including dogs and cats. She bawled her eyes out at the clinic since her 9th birthday present was to be a dog. She needs to go through a course of injections over the next 3-5 years post which we may have brought some of her more severe reactions under control.
The only person to maintain his cool and his sense of humor while all this has been going on is the DH. At the hospital, hopped up on painkillers and fluids, I turned to the DH and said “If I die, take good care of DD. You may consider marriage again since you’re young and somewhat good-looking, please make sure “she” takes good care of DD, whoever she is.” He responds “What are you saying about my considering remarriage?” For a minute I let hope flare in my chest. Maybe the man had a heart, maybe I’d hear declarations of undying faithfulness. I thought he’d declare that there can be no other love for me but you, my darling.
“There’s a line of eligible women all waiting for you to drop dead. Yahaan pe tum gayi nahi ki wahaan pe band baaje bajwaa doonga (no sooner are you gone, will I call the wedding planner).” he said, instead.
The other day the man was humming a song he had learnt at music class. I was trying to catch up with my Homeland episodes on the laptop when he walks up to me and taps me on my shoulder. I pull off my headphones and stare at him quizzically when he says “Tumhein maanna padega (“You have to agree”). I thought he must have made a point while I wasn’t paying attention so I said “Kya?” (“What”). He says “Nahi Nahi tumhein zaroor mannna padega (“You have no choice but to agree.)” After a couple of iterations, I lost patience and was to jam my headphones back into my ears when he says “Mujh jaisa acchha gaayak ho hi nahi sakta.” (you’d be hard pressed to find a better singer than me.”)
We’ve had several versions of this conversation before so I said “Why is it essential for me to acknowledge that you’re a good singer?” “So you can spread word of this fact to the entire world, Meera.” he says. “I firmly believe God has put you on earth so you can elucidate to the world what a diamond in the rough I am.” he continues.
Not in the mood to inflate his bloated ego, I said “Tum heera nahi, koyla ho koyla.” (You’re not a diamond, in fact you’re nothing but a piece of coal.) “I was nothing but coal, Meera but the pressure of your expectations in the last 13 years has made me a rare, large diamond, the kind Kobe Bryant wants to give his wife.” he finished. “The kind you don’t want to give your wife, though??” I questioned hoping I could trap him into agreeing to buy me diamonds. “Mere hote huye tumhein zaroorat hi kya hai?” (Why do you need diamonds when I shine so brightly in your life?) he said and walked away